The Uncomfortable Truth About Healing: Why It Feels Worse Before It Feels Better
Healing is often romanticized. We picture peaceful meditation, epiphanies of self-awareness, and a gradual journey toward feeling lighter and freer. But the truth about healing—especially trauma healing—is much more complex. It’s messy. It’s painful. And sometimes, it feels like things are getting worse before they get better.
If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, Why do I feel more anxious, more irritable, or more overwhelmed after starting therapy?—you’re not alone. This isn’t a sign that healing isn’t working. It’s actually a normal and expected part of the process.
Let’s talk about why trauma healing can feel so uncomfortable and what to expect as you move through it.
1. Your Brain and Body Are Adjusting to Safety
For those who’ve lived with trauma, stress, or emotional neglect, the nervous system adapts in ways that prioritize survival. Hypervigilance, emotional numbing, self-protection through avoidance—these all become ingrained patterns, helping you navigate a world that didn’t always feel safe.
When you begin the healing process, your brain and body are challenged to shift out of survival mode. This can be disorienting. Your nervous system is used to a constant state of readiness, so learning how to feel safe—really safe—can feel foreign.
Many people describe feeling more anxious at first. Their brain scans for threats because it’s used to something bad happening after moments of peace. Others struggle with feeling emotions more intensely, as their usual defenses (like detachment or pushing feelings away) begin to soften.
What’s happening here is not a setback—it’s a recalibration. Your system is adjusting to a new way of being, and that adjustment period can be deeply uncomfortable.
2. The Emotional Floodgates Open
When we suppress emotions for years, they don’t just disappear. They linger in the background, showing up as anxiety, chronic tension, or emotional numbness.
As healing begins, those long-buried emotions often start to rise to the surface. You might feel grief for things you didn’t allow yourself to mourn before. You might feel anger you weren’t allowed to express. You might even experience emotions that seem out of proportion to what’s happening in the present moment.
This can feel overwhelming, like the emotions are hitting all at once. And the instinct for many is to shut them back down. But here’s the thing: feeling these emotions is what allows them to move through you, rather than staying trapped inside.
It won’t always feel this intense. But in the beginning, it might.
3. You're Challenging Old Beliefs (And That Feels Unstable)
Trauma often shapes the way we see ourselves and the world. If you grew up believing that love had to be earned, that your needs weren’t important, or that vulnerability was dangerous, those beliefs don’t just vanish when you start healing.
In fact, challenging them can feel like everything is unraveling. You might intellectually know you deserve kindness and safety, but your body and emotions may still operate from old narratives. This can create a push-pull effect:
You might crave closeness but struggle to trust it.
You might want to set boundaries but feel guilty when you do.
You might feel ready to let go of old patterns but find yourself slipping back into them.
This isn’t failure. It’s part of the process. Healing isn’t just about learning new ways of thinking—it’s about unlearning deeply embedded beliefs that once kept you safe. And that takes time.
4. Growth Means Letting Go of Coping Mechanisms
When you’ve used certain coping mechanisms for years—whether that’s perfectionism, people-pleasing, emotional detachment, or self-sabotage—letting go of them can feel terrifying.
Even when we recognize that these behaviors no longer serve us, they still feel familiar. They’ve helped us survive. And when we begin to loosen our grip on them, we can feel lost. Vulnerable. Exposed.
This can make healing feel worse before it feels better. There’s a phase where old coping strategies don’t feel right anymore, but new, healthier ways of coping haven’t fully solidified. It’s like standing in the middle of a bridge, feeling unsteady between two worlds.
This in-between space can be painful.
5. You May Feel Lonely in Your Healing
Healing doesn’t just change you—it changes the way you relate to others. When you start setting boundaries, expressing emotions, or no longer tolerating unhealthy dynamics, not everyone will respond well.
Some relationships might feel strained. Some people may not understand why you’re changing. And that can create a sense of loneliness, making you question whether healing is worth it.
It is.
Not everyone is meant to walk with you on this journey, and that’s okay. As you continue healing, you’ll begin attracting relationships that align with your growth rather than your wounds.
6. You're Confronting the Unknown
One of the hardest parts of healing is stepping into the unknown. Even if past patterns were painful, they were predictable. You knew how to navigate them.
But what happens when you allow yourself to be vulnerable? To trust? To live without constantly trying to control everything?
These unknowns can feel terrifying. But they are also where freedom lives.
Healing is not about forcing yourself to move forward faster than you’re ready—it’s about building the capacity to sit with discomfort, knowing that growth is happening even when it doesn’t feel like it.
What Can Help During This Process?
If healing feels harder than you expected, here are a few things that might support you:
Normalize the discomfort – Remind yourself that this is part of the process, not a sign that you’re doing something wrong.
Slow down when needed – Healing isn’t a race. It’s okay to pause, take breaks, and move at your own pace.
Seek support – Whether it’s therapy, community, or safe friendships, you don’t have to navigate this alone.
Practice self-compassion – Try being gentle with yourself. Healing is hard, and you’re doing something incredibly brave.
Ground yourself in the present – When emotions feel overwhelming, grounding techniques (like deep breathing, movement, or sensory awareness) can help bring you back to the here and now.
The Other Side of Healing
Even though healing can feel worse before it feels better, it can and does get better. The emotions that feel unbearable now won’t always feel this intense. The uncertainty won’t always feel so overwhelming. And the patterns that once felt impossible to break will, one day, loosen their grip.
On the other side of this discomfort is something you do deserve: peace, self-trust, and the ability to live without carrying the weight of the past.
And that is worth every difficult step.
How Trauma Therapy with Brea Giancaterino in Denver, Colorado can Help
As a trauma therapist with years of experience supporting individuals impacted by childhood trauma and trauma, I understand the complexities of this journey.
At my private practice in Denver, I offer a safe, compassionate, nonjudgmental space where you can explore your past, reconnect with yourself, and create lasting change. I’m here to help you find clarity and peace while releasing guilt and shame. Together, we’ll work to unburden the weight of the past and move toward the life you deserve. I am dedicated to building a safe, trusting therapeutic relationship and going at the pace you need to process your trauma.
If you’re ready to take the next step, I’d love to hear from you. Schedule a free 15 minute consultation!
Learn more about EMDR therapy (an impactful and effective trauma therapy) here.
