Internal Family Systems (IFS): A Compassionate Approach to Trauma Healing
When it comes to trauma healing, many traditional therapy approaches focus on reducing symptoms, changing thought patterns, or regulating emotions. Internal Family Systems (IFS) however goes deeper—it helps you understand your inner world and build a compassionate relationship with all parts of you- even the parts of yourself that hold pain, fear, or shame.
IFS is a therapy that provides a unique way of working with trauma by recognizing that our minds are made up of different "parts"—each with its own role, emotions, and motivations. By healing wounded parts and reconnecting with the Self, IFS allows people to cultivate a sense of wholeness, inner harmony, and deep healing from trauma.
In this post, I’ll break down what IFS is, how it works, why it’s effective for trauma healing, and how it integrates with other modalities like EMDR and somatic therapy.
Understanding Internal Family Systems: The Basics
IFS, developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, is based on the idea that our psyche is made up of multiple parts, much like a family system. Each part has its own perspective, emotions, and coping strategies. Some parts are wounded and hold onto painful memories, while others act as protectors, shielding us from further harm.
IFS therapy helps people befriend and heal their inner parts rather than trying to suppress, reject, or fight against them. The core belief of IFS is that there are no “bad” parts—only parts that have taken on extreme roles due to past experiences.
The Three Types of Parts in IFS
IFS organizes the inner world into three main types of parts:
1. Exiles (The Wounded Parts)
Hold the pain, shame, fear, or trauma from past experiences.
Often young, vulnerable parts of us that were hurt or abandoned.
Carry intense emotions like sadness, rejection, or worthlessness.
Are often hidden away by protective parts so we don’t have to feel their pain.
2. Protectors (Managers & Firefighters)
Work to keep exiled parts buried so we don’t feel emotional distress.
Managers: Control behaviors to prevent pain (perfectionism, people-pleasing, hyper-independence, overthinking).
Firefighters: Act impulsively to numb pain when exiles get triggered (substance use, binge eating, dissociation, self-sabotage).
3. Self (The Core Self)
The calm, wise, and compassionate part of you that is not wounded.
Has the capacity to lead, heal, and hold space for all parts.
Naturally possesses qualities like curiosity, clarity, confidence, compassion, and connectedness.
The goal of IFS therapy is to help the Self take the lead and bring safety, healing, and balance to the whole system.
How IFS Helps Heal Trauma
Trauma often fragments or disrupts the inner system, creating a deep sense of disconnection. Some parts hold onto trauma, while others work tirelessly to suppress it. This internal conflict leads to symptoms like anxiety, depression, emotional dysregulation, and self-sabotaging behaviors.
IFS offers a gentle, non-pathologizing approach to trauma healing by:
Helping survivors understand and befriend their protectors instead of feeling frustrated by self-sabotage.
Allowing exiles to safely release the pain they’ve carried for years.
Strengthening the Self so it can provide internal leadership and healing.
Shifting from self-criticism to self-compassion.
Rather than “fixing” symptoms, IFS restores internal trust and safety—which is essential for long-term healing.
What an IFS Therapy Session Can Look Like
IFS therapy is different from traditional talk therapy. Instead of simply discussing emotions, clients are guided to turn inward and interact with their parts in a compassionate way.
A typical IFS session might include:
Getting into a Calm & Curious State – The therapist helps the client access their Self by grounding and focusing inward.
Identifying & Connecting with Parts – The client notices what parts are active (a critical voice, a fearful child part, a numbing urge, etc.).
Understanding the Protector’s Role – Instead of fighting against a coping behavior, the client learns why it exists and how it has helped them survive.
Befriending Exiles – Once protectors feel safe, the client can connect with wounded exiles and offer them the compassion they never received.
Releasing Trauma & Rescripting the Narrative – The client helps exiles let go of burdens, allowing for emotional relief and integration.
Over time, this process creates inner harmony, deep emotional healing, and a greater sense of self-trust.
IFS and EMDR: A Powerful Combination for Trauma Healing
IFS works beautifully with EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), another powerful trauma therapy. While EMDR helps process traumatic memories, IFS ensures that all parts of the system feel safe during the process.
By integrating IFS with EMDR, clients can:
Address protective parts before memory reprocessing to reduce resistance.
Provide Self-led support to exiles while reprocessing trauma.
Ensure the healing process is gentle and doesn’t overwhelm the nervous system.
This combination allows for deeper, more sustainable healing rather than just symptom relief.
How to Know If IFS Is Right for You
IFS is particularly effective for: ✅ Childhood trauma survivors who struggle with self-blame, inner conflict, relationship challenges, or difficulty trusting themselves. ✅ People with emotional numbness or dissociation who feel disconnected from their emotions. ✅ Survivors of abuse or neglect who carry deep shame or a harsh inner critic. ✅ Anyone who struggles with self-sabotage and doesn’t understand why they “get in their own way.”
If traditional talk therapy hasn’t helped you feel connected, whole, or internally safe, IFS may be the missing piece.
Final Thoughts: Healing Through Self-Compassion
IFS is a radically compassionate approach to trauma healing. Instead of trying to silence painful emotions or “fix” behaviors, it helps you listen to and heal the parts of yourself that need attention.
Healing is not about erasing the past—it’s about creating a new relationship with yourself. IFS offers a way to turn inward with curiosity, compassion, and confidence so that all parts of you feel safe, seen, and supported.
How Trauma Therapy with Brea Giancaterino in Denver, Colorado can Help
As a trauma therapist with years of experience supporting individuals impacted by childhood trauma and trauma, I understand the complexities of this journey.
At my private practice in Denver, I offer a safe, compassionate, nonjudgmental space where you can explore your past, reconnect with yourself, and create lasting change. I’m here to help you find clarity and peace while releasing guilt and shame. Together, we’ll work to unburden the weight of the past and move toward the life you deserve. I am dedicated to building a safe, trusting therapeutic relationship and going at the pace you need to process your trauma.
If you’re ready to take the next step, I’d love to hear from you. Schedule a free 15 minute consultation!
Learn more about EMDR therapy (an impactful and effective trauma therapy) here.
