Why Guilt and Shame Stick Around After Trauma (and How to Release Them)

Guilt and shame are two of the most common emotional challenges trauma survivors carry. Even when you logically know that what happened wasn’t your fault, the feelings can linger—shaping self-perception, relationships, and daily life. Unlike guilt, which is linked to specific actions, shame is deeply tied to identity, making it one of the hardest emotions to release and heal from.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re “too much,” like you need to apologize for who you are, or like you’re responsible for the pain you’ve endured, you’re not alone. Trauma has a way of embedding guilt and shame into the nervous system, creating patterns of self-blame that are difficult to shake. However, healing is possible. In this post, we’ll explore why guilt and shame linger after trauma and how to begin releasing them with self-compassion, somatic therapy, and trauma-focused modalities like EMDR and IFS.

Why Trauma Survivors Experience Guilt and Shame

Trauma, especially childhood trauma, often creates an internalized sense of guilt and shame. These feelings don’t appear out of nowhere—they serve as protective mechanisms, often helping us survive overwhelming situations. Here’s why they persist:

1. Survival Instincts Turned Inward (in childhood trauma) 

When children experience trauma, they are dependent on their caregivers for survival. If a caregiver is neglectful, abusive, or emotionally unavailable, a child cannot blame them—doing so would create an unbearable sense of helplessness and powerlessness. Instead, the child internalizes the belief: “If something is wrong, it must be my fault.” This protective mechanism gives the child some sense of control in a situation that feels so hopeless. 

2. The Role of Cultural and Social Conditioning

Society often reinforces shame by placing the burden of trauma on survivors rather than perpetrators. Phrases like “Why didn’t you leave?” or “You should have known better” can reinforce the idea that survivors are somehow responsible for what happened to them.

3. Chronic Nervous System Dysregulation

Trauma impacts the nervous system, keeping survivors in a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn state long after the danger has passed. This heightened state can make self-compassion feel out of reach and reinforce patterns of self-criticism and shame. The nervous system tends to respond in ways that are familiar and safe, and guilt and shame might be a part of that equation. 

4. Emotional Flashbacks

For those with complex trauma, emotional flashbacks can trigger deep waves of shame and guilt. Unlike visual flashbacks, emotional flashbacks bring back the feeling states associated with past trauma—often without a clear memory attached—leading to sudden, overwhelming self-loathing or guilt.

The Difference Between Guilt and Shame

Understanding the distinction between guilt and shame is an important part to healing:

• Guilt says: “I did something bad.” It’s linked to an action and can be resolved through accountability, amends, or self-reflection.

• Shame says: “I am bad.” It’s tied to identity, making it much harder to heal because it feels like an inherent flaw rather than a response to a situation.

When trauma survivors carry unresolved shame, it impacts their self-worth, relationships, and ability to trust themselves.

How to Begin Releasing Guilt and Shame

Releasing shame is not about forcing yourself to “think differently” overnight—it’s about gradually creating safety in your body, mind, and relationships. Here’s how:

1. Recognize That Shame Was Never Yours to Carry

The shame you feel was likely placed on you by caregivers, abusers, or a society that failed to protect you. Recognizing this is the first step toward shifting responsibility back where it belongs. This is a difficult step and can take some time to even acknowledge the shame is not yours. This in and of itself, requires deep therapeutic work. 

• Practice saying: “This shame is not mine to carry.”

• Write a letter to your younger self, offering the compassion they deserved.

2. Work with the Body Through Somatic Therapy

Shame isn’t just a thought—it lives in the body. Many trauma survivors experience shame as a heavy, constricted, or collapsing sensation in the chest or stomach. Somatic practices can help release it:

• Grounding exercises to reconnect with safety in the present moment.

• Breathwork to release tension and create emotional space.

• Expansive movement (like stretching, yoga, or shaking) to counteract the physical contraction of shame.

Each person is different and their trauma is carried differently in the body. Somatic practices should be tailored to you. Please consult with your therapist. 

3. Rewire Negative Beliefs with EMDR

EMDR therapy is highly effective at reprocessing traumatic memories that contribute to guilt and shame. By using bilateral stimulation (eye movements, tapping, or sounds), EMDR helps the brain unlearn trauma-driven narratives and replace them with adaptive beliefs, such as:

• “I am worthy of love and care.”

• “I was never responsible for what happened to me.”

• “My voice and needs matter.”

4. Use Internal Family Systems (IFS) to Heal Wounded Parts

Shame is often carried by exiled parts—the wounded inner children who were once blamed or neglected. IFS therapy allows survivors to:

• Acknowledge and validate the parts of themselves that hold shame.

• Develop a compassionate relationship with these parts instead of rejecting them.

• Strengthen the Self (core self) as a nurturing presence for healing.

5. Shift from Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion

Replacing shame-driven inner dialogue with self-compassion is one of the most powerful steps in healing. Here are other ways of looking at this:

• Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend. If you wouldn’t blame them, how come you blame yourself?

• Use self-compassionate affirmations. (“I am allowed to be human.”)

• Practice allowing support from others. Letting trusted people show up for you can help rewire the belief that you are unworthy of care.

How Trauma Therapy with Brea Giancaterino in Denver, Colorado can Help

As a trauma therapist with years of experience supporting individuals impacted by childhood trauma and trauma, I understand the complexities of this journey. 

At my private practice in Denver, I offer a safe, compassionate, nonjudgmental space where you can explore your past, reconnect with yourself, and create lasting change. I’m here to help you find clarity and peace while releasing guilt and shame. Together, we’ll work to unburden the weight of the past and move toward the life you deserve. I am dedicated to building a safe, trusting therapeutic relationship and going at the pace you need to process your trauma.

If you’re ready to take the next step, I’d love to hear from you. Schedule a free 15 minute consultation!

Learn more about EMDR therapy (an impactful and effective trauma therapy) here.