The Subtle Signs of Childhood Trauma You Might Be Overlooking
When people think about childhood trauma, they often imagine major, life-altering events. While those experiences certainly leave a deep imprint, trauma can also stem from more subtle, ongoing patterns—like emotional neglect, inconsistent caregiving, or growing up in an environment where you felt unseen or unsafe. Trauma is what happened and didn’t happen.
If you’ve ever wondered why you struggle with certain feelings or behaviors, it’s worth considering how your past might be playing a role. Childhood trauma isn’t always obvious, but it has a way of showing up in our adult lives in unexpected ways.
As a trauma therapist, I’ve seen how deeply these experiences shape people’s lives. Let’s explore some of the subtle signs of childhood trauma you might be overlooking—along with how to begin understanding and healing these patterns.
1. Chronic People-Pleasing
Do you find yourself bending over backward to keep others happy, even at your own expense? Many people with childhood trauma develop people-pleasing tendencies as a way to feel safe or avoid conflict. Pleasing people often feels like the only option to keep others in your life.
If you grew up in an environment where love felt conditional—where being "good" or "helpful" was the only way to receive attention or avoid criticism and conflict—this pattern might have taken root early on. Over time, it can lead to:
Difficulty saying no
Fear of disappointing others
Putting everyone else’s needs above your own
Lack of understanding of your own needs or wants
People-pleasing may feel like a way to maintain connection, but it often leaves you feeling drained, unseen, and unfulfilled. It often leads to feelings of resentment.
2. Overthinking and Self-Criticism
Do you replay conversations in your head, analyzing every word to see if you said the “wrong” thing? Do you wonder “why did I just say that”; “what is wrong with me”; or “I don’t know why I am this way”? Do you plan out every possible scenario in your head so you can be prepared for anything?
If you grew up in a critical or unpredictable environment, you might have learned to overthink and scrutinize yourself as a survival strategy. This can lead to:
Second-guessing your decisions
Assuming others are upset with you, even when there’s no evidence
Harsh self-criticism that feels impossible to turn off
Constant anxiety and fear about what might happen next
While overthinking may feel like it’s keeping you safe, it often reinforces feelings of fear, anxiety, and self-doubt.
3. Difficulty Trusting Others
Do you struggle to rely on or open up to the people around you? Do you avoid difficult conversations? Do you distance yourself when you feel like people are getting “too close”? For many trauma survivors, trust is a challenge—especially if caregivers in your childhood were unreliable, unavailable, or hurtful.
This difficulty might show up as:
Fear of vulnerability
Keeping people at arm’s length, even when you crave connection
Assuming others will eventually let you down
Push and pull relationships - wanting connection but also fearing and avoiding it
While it’s natural to want to protect yourself, this pattern can prevent you from forming the deep, meaningful relationships you deserve (and want).
4. Emotional Numbing or Overwhelm
Do emotions scare the s*** out of you? Do you feel like it is easier to detach than to deal with difficult emotions? Are you easily overwhelmed? Trauma can impact your ability to regulate emotions, leaving you stuck in extremes. You might:
Feel disconnected or numb, like you’re going through life on autopilot
Get overwhelmed by small stressors, leading to big emotional reactions
Struggle to identify or express what you’re feeling
These patterns often stem from your nervous system being stuck in survival mode, swinging between fight-or-flight and shutdown. Over time, your nervous system has adapted in ways it believes will keep you safe, even if those patterns now feel overwhelming or harmful. Trauma therapy helps rewire these responses, gently teaching and showing your nervous system that it no longer needs to go to extreme lengths to protect you—that it’s safe to let go and move toward balance and healing.
5. Difficulty Setting Boundaries
Do you feel guilty or anxious when you say no? For many trauma survivors, boundaries can feel like a foreign concept—especially if you grew up in a family where your needs weren’t respected or met.
This might show up as:
Saying yes to things you don’t want to do, just to avoid conflict
Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions
Struggling to express (and identify) what you need
Fear that if you set a boundary, there will be a harmful consequence (e.g., relationship ending)
Learning to set boundaries is a powerful step toward reclaiming your sense of agency and self-worth, and it can take time and support to feel comfortable doing so.
6. Perfectionism
Do you feel like you have to do everything perfectly—or else…? Perfectionism can be a trauma response, rooted in the belief that being flawless will make you safe, in control, or worthy of love.
This pattern might lead to:
Avoiding tasks or opportunities for fear of failure
Constantly pushing yourself to achieve, even at the cost of your well-being
Feeling like nothing you do is ever “good enough”
While perfectionism might feel like it’s helping you stay in control, it often reinforces feelings of inadequacy and burnout. It can also lead to overwhelm, anxiety, fear, etc.
Why These Patterns Develop
These subtle signs often develop as coping mechanisms—ways to navigate an environment or relationships that didn’t feel safe, predictable, or nurturing. Your brain and body did what they had to do to survive.
The good news? While these patterns may have served you in the past, they don’t have to define your future or who you are as a human. Healing involves recognizing how these patterns have shaped your life and discovering new ways to support yourself that feel more aligned with your needs and values and who you want to be.
How to Begin Healing
If you recognize yourself in any of these patterns, know that you’re not alone—and you’re not broken. Healing from childhood trauma takes time, patience, and support. Here are some steps to get started:
Practice Self-Compassion:
Begin by acknowledging that these patterns were ways to survive. Instead of criticizing yourself, try offering kindness and understanding.Learn About Your Nervous System:
Trauma impacts how your body responds to stress. Understanding your nervous system can help you recognize and manage triggers, moving toward a sense of safety. Contact me to learn more about the nervous system!Set Small, Achievable Goals:
Whether it’s setting a boundary, practicing mindfulness, or reaching out for support, start with small steps. Healing is a journey, not a race.Work with a Trauma-Informed Therapist:
Trauma therapy can provide a safe, supportive space to explore your past, understand your patterns, and develop new ways of relating to yourself and others.
Healing Is Possible with Brea in Denver, Colorado
Recognizing the subtle signs of childhood trauma is a powerful first step. These patterns don’t define who you are—they’re pieces of your story that have shaped your journey.
At my private practice in Denver, Colorado, I provide a compassionate and supportive space where you can safely explore these patterns, reconnect with yourself, and create meaningful change. Whether you’re struggling with people-pleasing, difficulty trusting others, or feeling emotionally stuck, I’m here to guide you toward healing that feels authentic and lasting.
If you’re ready to take the next step into trauma therapy, I’d love to support you. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to see how we can work together.
Learn more about trauma therapy here.
